I read today that one-third of marriages today create stepfamilies, and that stepfamilies are soon expected to outnumber traditional families. I think thats a little sad. The world sure is different than 40 years ago. We are a stepfamily ourselves and I think that it is very different than a traditional marriage. Its more difficult from the start. Dealing with the ex, the custody arrangement, and parenting a child that isn't yours adds a lot of stress to a marriage. The report also stated that one-third of step-family marriages end in divorce. Of course, I'm hoping that we will not be those statistics :)
Jade has been having a harder time adjusting lately. I feel bad because the situation she is in is not her choice or her fault. She has a hard time getting used to the two different houses and I don't blame her. I think it would be so confusing. At first I thought that because she was so young, she would have an easier time. She was just barely three years old when I married her dad. I thought that she would always remember her family like this: her mom and dad living separately and me living with her dad. But it is still affecting her more than I thought.
Has anyone been in Jade's position that has some advice for us?
We try to pay alot of attention to Jade when she is with us and we go out and do lots of fun things with her. But her mom tells us that when she goes home she tells her mom that nobody loves her over here and nobody plays with her.
I'm not sure if she is just trying to please her mom and not make her mom feel like she has fun without her? Or if its the birth of her baby brother and she's not the baby anymore like she has been for the past five years?
There are some step-family classes here that I have been wanting to take since we first got married and I finally got us signed up for them. They start in June and they are supposed to help us learn how to deal with the issues specific to stepfamilies. Hopefully we will learn alot and it will help us make one big, happy family!
that is SUCH a hard position to be in. my parents got a divorce when i was a kid and i spent time with my dad (alone) and then time with my mom and her new husband (step-dad). i think a lot of it is just time and reassuring her that you love her AND baby brother, and keep doing the things you are already doing. taking classes and talking with her mom about it are important to do and shows how much you really care about making it work. you will do fine, jade will do fine, it just takes more work. :) good job so far.
ReplyDeleteThe two of you are such good parents. Kids do like to use one parent againt the other. I am sure that getting use to the new baby also has something to do with it, now she has to share in two families. See if her mom will support you, because you are doing all the right things. Maybe her mom is a little jealouse of your marriage and plants thing in her mind. She always seem happy when she is here and all of your family show her love. Her mom should not be asking so many question, unless Jade offers the informaation. The class will be good.To make it works both families have to work togeather.
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